ROMANCE THE NATIVE WAY.
The elite don’t have monopoly of romance though their kind of romance may be sophisticated and more expensive. Baba Aduke in Akue (Akure) may not have the resources to go on vacation with his wife to The Bahamas but he knows and understands the romantic needs of his olori and that romance needs not be expensive to be effective. He sits in his verandah every moonlit-night to kiss his wife’s heart. Yes he puts Aduni’s head on his lap and fondles her shuku.
Okanlawan usually gifts his wife, Ibiyemi anytime he comes back from his various trips. He buys her things from aso-oke to tiro and ose dudu from Dodo-Ikire to kooli-kooli alata and the like. Omolara in Omu-Aran loves Omotunde’s storytelling abilities and pays him a visit every Sunday to enjoy Oral History, legends and all genre of native songs particularly apala and ewi but she doesn’t forget to pack her fiance’s favourite pounded yam swimming on top of egusi and efo with eja odo competing with akan – vegetable laced with melon sauce, garnished with fresh fish and crab.
Iya Bidemi in Oye-Ekiti may not value kissing her husband the French way but she cleans her teeth and tongue religiously with chewing stick to put mouth odour at bay, takes her birth regularly and pampers her skin with adin-agbon to smell nice to him. Newly-wedded Ishola and Idowu in Ijebu relax under the orange tree in front of their house every evening to enjoy the various songs of Elemure, Kayode Fashola and Ayinla Omowura.
Ayankunle in Imesi-Ile showers encomium on his wife, talks about her beauty with his talking drums to the envy of all. Remi in Remo wears her husband’s clothes to feel close to him anytime he goes on hunting expedition; her husband, Odewale on the other hand (sometimes) sacrifice big game in order to kill his wife’s favourite bush meat, oya. The long and short of all these is that you don’t have to be a Jimoh Ibrahim or an Uzor Kalu to be romantic.
MEN AND COMMITMENT-PHOBIA IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS.
An average man might labour much more than Kunta Kinte in the blockbuster soap ROOTS to woo a woman’s heart and win her love but most times he fears commitment but not sex just like a child fears live chicken but relish the one in his plate with no adrenaline flooding his system. The Cassanova’s phobia is based on the fact that he might be imprisoned by his partner and may not have access to sample as many ‘skirts’ as he did in the past. The sexually-reserved man thinks he doesn’t have to tie himself to a woman when better offers could surface, what with ‘promos’ here and there and so on. Bottom line: men work hard in laying relationship foundations and women work harder to complete the building.
LITTLE THINGS THAT COUNT IN RELATIONSHIPS.
Little things add up to become great things same way ordinary things become extra ordinary when little is added. Oh, the last straw broke the camel’s back – remember it was the last straw not the only straw that broke the camel’s back. Ask the hapless camel and it will tell you that all along its back had been aching and protesting like Nigerian students during the ALI MUST GO ERA but the last straw gave its back the fatal and final blow, same way Mohammed Ali’s punches sent opponents to the floor in search of dollars that never went missing.
They say a journey of a thousand mile actually begins with a step and that’s true. HIV which causes AIDS and plasmodium which causes malaria are so small that they are invisible to the unaided eyes. In fact, HIV is not seen under the microscope (but the antibodies of its victims) because of its very minute size yet we see its impact in AIDS victims.
To lose weight you eat small but regular nutriotious meals which quicken your metabolism and make you lose weight without any side effect. However many who try to lose weight, fast for most part of the day and later eat big meal which is self-defeatist. Your fiancée may be anxious if you call her once in a while and in fact she might begin to feel you’re seeing another lady but you think there’s no big deal in calling after all you see each other every week. Don’t forget however that a simple SMS would go a long way.
Buying your spouse small gifts once or twice a month is better than buying her one big gift once a year. Buying him gifts like socks, handkerchief, shoes … regularly is more impactful than overhauling his wardrobe once in three years. Frequent kisses, hugs, massages … are loyal and result-oriented messenger of love than ‘once in a blue moon, award-winning love-making sessions.’
Ask an eighteen-year-old lady the type of man she intends to marry and wait to see her beam a sultry smile like Onyechukwu (towards the end of KCEE’s OGADINMA video) as she enters the posh restaurant and walks majestically to her seat. What this means is that she has a readymade answer to your query for she had snapped and uploaded the picture in her mind, no thanks to novels, movies, soaps and magazines.
Her script reads: six-footer with chiseled body sculptured with mass of aggressive muscles, handsome, God-fearing, funny, witty, (fair or dark depends on individuals) with pocket deep enough to hide one million bedbugs. Unfortunately, many of these ladies don’t meet their Prince Charming so from age 24 upwards they become editors and starts editing and updating the CV they created for their future partners. No more fantasies!
In the game of love, Christmas to women is everyday same with men but on a short-term basis. You make her believe that relationship-Christmas is 24/7 but in reality (to you) it’s only from friendship through courtship and wedding through honeymoon but not in marriage proper. That ideology expires shortly after your wedding and like expired drugs, you discard. So in marriage Christmas becomes an annual event not a daily ceremony and that’s where the gulf comes in between you and your wife. So how can you bridge this gulf?
Your wife expects you to continue to celebrate Christmas 24/7 and hence take her to ‘Santa,’ sing her carol, traverse from banking hall to shopping mall, movies, beach … lounge together to prepare Christmas lunch, chit-chat on phone, laugh over Champagne, look longingly into each others eyes, exchange texts, hugs and kisses and incidentally those are ingredients that make love-making mind-blowing for women and awe-inspiring to you as a result.
Know and note that if you make love to her heart she would be too glad to make real love to you and if you satisfy her in bed, she would go the extra-mile in and out of bed to satisfy you. Affection and attention escalate women’s libido to the top of Mount Everest. Women naturally crave two foreplays – the heart and body foreplays better still mind and body foreplays. One is everyday thing and the other is pre-lovemaking.
MEN’S ROVING EYES
When an average man sees a woman’s behind and her rear appeals to him, what goes on in his mind is, “Let me look at the owner of that property, better still is the landlady of that property fair or much more beautiful? Women know that men love looking at their rear so those who are not blessed at the rear might feel shortchanged but not all men want big and intimidating rear though as visual beings they love looking and assessing women’s rear. Variety is the spice of life and what’s appealing to Danladi may be appalling to Danlami so regardless of the shape or size of your rear, be happy and fill your mind with joy and bliss.
MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE.
Marriage is ‘life without you is worthless; divorce is life with you is worthless,’ alas what went wrong between marriage and divorce?
Age brings maturity but not all adults are mature. A boy becomes a man when he’s able to master his mind and control his emotions. Your woman might run her tongue recklessly, carelessly if she has hot temper and lacks self-discipline but you become a remote control in her hands if you lack self-control. Domestic violence solves no domestic crisis, never was and never will. Bro. don’t assault your wife, sister don’t use weapon on him. Everyone has a breaking point but as responsible adults we should extend our limit day-by-day till we eventually get to the 70×7 threshold. Marriage counselors are skilled to solve and prevent marital crisis therefore seek their services in peace not in crisis alone. Remember the cliché, “prevention is better than cure.” No man is an island to this end, clerics and counselors should seek counseling as well.