Lara Weds Bala
Bala was a graduate of Chemistry from (ABU) Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria Kaduna State and was observing his National Youth Service at Niger State when and where he met Lara a graduate of Music and alumnus of the Polytechnic Ibadan also serving in Niger State.
Bala wasn’t tall nor short, not bad-looking neither was he good-looking. He was multi-lingual and speaks Hausa, Fulani, Gwari, Arabic and English fluently.
Lara on the other hand was tall for a woman, blessed with gap-tooth, dimples and licorice gum. And both of them were of the same height. They were both Muslims as well. Lara was fair-skinned, Bala coffee-coloured. Bala was an extrovert, Lara introvert!
At the outset, Bala labeled himself an ‘ex-extrovert’ just to get along with Lara, who says she can’t, won’t marry an extrovert because she was introverted by nature.
“Well water and rain water are both water but one is rain the other well and rain-well maybe well-rain water can’t couple. One is a hog the other cat and hugs from hog will certainly stain cats,” she argued.
Bala’s mum was Hajia Laraba; Lara’s mum Alhaja Alaba and both were respectively talking with their best friends Lantana and Clara at their children’s wedding at Ikolaba, Ibadan.
Hajia Laraba to her best friend Lantana
Hajia Laraba: (smiling) How time flies see Bala my only son. I never knew he’d marry someday because he was an actor, a pope in the movie he was acting back in the day. As a boy, call him the husband of Amina (my neighbour’s daughter) and he’d start crying and even bear you malice. Call him the darling of Alice (the daughter of my colleague at work) and he’d explode like fireworks at Yuletide, sobbing like soldier retiring from the army but never wanted to lead the life of civilians.
Lantana: But once a soldier always one!
Laraba: True talk but every soldier was once a civilian and will return to one someday! My civilian son that never wanted to be a ‘soldier of love’ is one today o! Let me just see him after the wedding I’ll tease him like Teezer drink: Original lover-boy who never wanted to love in fact, detests love and cries over same, now swimming in the sea of love!
Bride’s mum (Alaba) chatting with her bosom friend, Clara.
Alhaja Alaba: See this girl of yesterday. Now a woman today! How time flies! Girl that delights in hunting and eating the ‘bush meat’ in her nose. I’ll give her meat o, she’d eat. The next minute her tiny fingers will dive into her nose, at the speed of lightning and painstakingly pack the harvest into her mouth. Her happiest time was my dullest and that was when she has cold and runny nose. The cold my stress, plenty meat (ishan olora) her bread. Once water like cascade begins to fall from her nose, her fingers gather what she sowed, and bingo her mouth receives. At this juncture I felt she was beginning to see me as her enemy who won’t let her eat the fruit of her labour for it was war between me and my baby and I honestly hope nemesis won’t catch up with her – good one o when her kids begin to act similar drama. I could hear Lara’s voice in my mind, “Junior, I told you it’s dirty, stinking to even put your fingers in your nose, much less make a suya or biscuit out of it. If you need biscuit tell me okay?” Those her Lara’s lines already on the wall.
Clara: Miss Saint, now are you telling me you didn’t do the similarly when you were but a child? I can see your mum telling you, “Alaba, remove your finger from your nose otherwise I’ll put hot pepper on it ….”
Alaba: (expressing funny looks and hissing) I’ll give you sand-paper slap even though it’s my daughter’s wedding.
And both of them exploded in infectious laughter.
…. (continues next week)
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(pic source: myweddingnigeria.com)