VAW (Voices at Weddings) #LAB 2010 (III)

The Onwukas in fantasy but the Wellingtons in reality.

Lara (the bride) was the home music teacher of Petrolina when the former was an undergraduate at the Polytechnic, Ibadan.

(Petrolina chatting with her friend, Veronica.)

Petrolina: Aunty Lara speaks Queen’s English but she actually studied Music in school. I like her accent, smiles and humour. She’s also very caring, her husband will sure enjoy her but only that she’s got scarce curves.

Vero: (laughing) Petrol-i-n-a na wa o! And you reduced your music teacher to mere numbers and besides if you call her small what will you call me and even you? And for your information I’m sizable not small. Vero saw plenty, Petrolina saw scarcity, is it because of the fuel scarcity? If you say that again I’ll tap the petrol in you and fuel my car after all black market is sinking potholes into my pocket. Jokes apart now babe, I saw her when she was entering the church and again when she was dancing her ample apples were jumping up and down with impunity. They were excitedly playing basketball on her chest. But girlfriend we need to stop hyping her bodies more than our brains and hearts otherwise men won’t respect us anymore!

Bala’s boss Dr. Aminu chatting with his wife, Aminat

Aminu: (whispering to his wife) I guess I should forget overtime from Bala when he resumes after his honeymoon. Bala used to resume work before 8:00am and sometimes leaves 7.30pm but with this evergreen bride he’d start resuming at 8:01 instead of 8:00am and leave 4.59 instead of 5:00pm.

Amina: He’s reaping where he had formally sowed dear or did you pay him overtime then? Anyway, just for some time. 2 months after his honeymoon everything will return to normal. The alcohol in his heart will release his mind and the captives shall be set free, soonest! Just wait! If you spend too much time with your wife she might piss you off with pettiness – I did that to you, didn’t I?

Aminu: Are you sure? Some women attract their hubbies like magnets. 20 hours is 20 seconds with this woman that owns all the © of the curves in this world?

Amina: Mallam, are you looking at the bride or at her … remember I said ‘mallam’.

Aminu: No o, not at all! I was just ….

Cute groom + chic bride (credit: pinterest)

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