‘Welcome to Rat Nation.’

Rats apart from being vectors they are invites to snakes. (Image credit: social media)

The Fakunles just moved from Abeokuta to Ekiti and unfortunately some rats moved with them. So when they got to Ekiti they unpacked and moved their belongings into their newly built home. And in the night Abeokuta rats emerged and were warmly received by Ekiti rats.

Abeokuta Rats: (smiling) good evening compatriots.

Ekiti Rats: (grinning) Gateway people you’re welcome to Ekiti … Land of Honour. Fountain of Knowledge. Land of pounded yam but hope you brought kokoro for us?

Abeokuta Rats: don’t mind our landlords they didn’t give us breathing space to get some for you, in fact they killed many of us while packing their belongings; however, we’re sorry!

Ekiti Rats: No problem but here pounded yam calls the shot unlike ikokore and lafun from the state you came from.

Abeokuta Rats: No shaking!

After the pleasantries Ekiti rats took Abeokuta rats on familiarization tour and were showing them different houses including the attitudes of the occupants.

The spokesman of Ekiti rats began to instruct and enlighten the aliens and when they got to House 1 he opened up:

“This is the head-office of owambe. As you can see it’s a face-to-face 2-storey building! There are 3 kitchens – one on the down floor and one each on the upper floors. If you enter any of the kitchens at night it’s party! Bones here and there, left over pounded-yam, noodles, raw yams and cassava on the floor, onions and tomatoes in basket. They have many children and you know kids are our benefactors. Sometimes they drop meat on the floor; so if you’re fortunate you eat meat instead of bones but then there are different types of bones.” He coughed out loudly, beat his chest calmly and continued. “Dry bones have no grain, no iota of meat on them, sly bones look like there are pieces of meats hugging them but on closer look no meat but you see dark patches; shy bones have meat but inside them, yes bone marrow. And cry bones are bad bones they carry pepper and if you’re not careful they throw in your eyes. Try bones have meats that said ‘I do’ to their host bones but they could be lying in such a way that the meat part could be hidden by facing down, looking at the plate.”

House 2:

“This house is a 3-bedroom bungalow occupied by a family of 6. Sometimes you might be lucky to find meat if Lucky their dog didn’t finish his, but all-in-all food here isn’t constant but if their cousin Constance (who attends college here) comes back from Lagos you’ll enjoy for few days before she goes back to her hostel in another part of town.

House 3:

The king branded this house Biscuit – they have triplets and the lady of the house bribes her toddlers when they are throwing tantrums,  with biscuits and you know now, leftovers here and there.

House 4:

We enjoy here almost every night but on weekends any one that strays into this home will fast till daybreak except he leaves.

House 5:

This one! Too neat and tidy occupants. The ironic thing is that they are very rich yet they won’t let us eat out of their largess but in the home of the other very rich family on the next street, it’s owambe for us! If you want to fast you can come here. We don’t come here but when JJC rats do they spend less than 1 second before they varnish. Maybe these people don’t even eat in their house. But I see vegetables, bags of foods … in the car of the woman when she’s coming from the market.

House 6:

You can see it’s an uncompleted building. People who smoke marijuana come here and sometimes they come with bread and soft drinks and again anytime a particular man amongst them brings his female friend at night be rest-assured that you will enjoy spoonful ice-cream inside white, very tiny, slimy nylon though the king said it’s not ice-cream but milk but what type of milk could it be? I know not! But only that man does that because when others bring women you don’t see any nylon and no ice-cream, sorry milk inside!

‘House 7’ from here it’s bush, bush and bush. Yes our neighbourhood is a developing site and people are gradually erecting properties and moving in.

keep your home clean 24/7 and not just on weekends. Though you might be very busy in the week but seriously 10 minutes could be the difference between a dirty and clean home and it’s not too much a sacrifice. Leaving in a face-to-face apartment is not a license to be dirty. Your own room can be neat and tidy, and don’t forget behaviour is infectious!

Understandably, taking care of kids is like studying 4 courses in college nonetheless your home can be clean. It’s not a crime for dads to render helping hands. You’re not a sissy; it’s not unmanly to do house chores.

Say no to rodents. Say no to Lassa Fever and other health challenges. Keep Your home spick and span!

Published by

olayemi

I won't bore you or box myself by defining who I'm, what I'm or where I'm headed. I AM OLAYEMI JOSEPH OGUNOJO, a Nigerian and World Citizen and a student of the 'University of Life.' If you impart knowledge into every Tayo, Tanko and Tagbo you meet, they will impact every Tom, Dick and Harry they confluence.

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