Engaging Church Testimonies (II)

There are some congregants who show gratitude to God through their habits of coming out every Sunday to testify and I’m sure you know at least one person in your church who falls into this file. (credit: scoan.org)

Antoinette’s Testimony: “I was robbed of all my jewelries at gunpoint and I went to report the case to security agents but lo and behold I met my very good high school classmate that I lost along the road of life and weeks after we started dating and just last night he proposed to me with a ring that is ten times more expensive than all the jewelries I lost to armed robbers and again he opened the state-of-the-art jewelry stores for me.”

Paul’s Testimony: “My sweetheart, Samantha told me it was over between us, rushed out of my apartment, got into her car and sped off. I tried to pursue but my car key betrayed me and I searched everywhere for it to no avail. Though it was a bunch of keys, I never knew it was very small for I was searching for it everywhere like a Mustard seed. To cut the long story short, I was alarmed. Aghast. And even confused so much so that I looked inside my mouth with the aid of a mirror. You know sometimes you could be holding something and still searching for same. Fortunately and unfortunately for me, after about 30 minutes of fruitless search I found in my left hand and pursued Samantha for several minutes but couldn’t sight her and detoured and head down a country road to relax, accept her bye-bye and for contemplation. But lo and behold I saw an expensive bag on the road and I looked right, left, up in the sky and down in my car before stylishly coming out. I walked past the bag to access its tummy and found lots of expensive rolex gold wristwatches in it. I looked everywhere again and then used my left hand to pick like the conscious James Bond watching out for enemies.”

Paul suddenly paused, and kicked the engine of his eyes which quickly moved, scanning the vicinity for the officiating minister who was strolling around and whispering hallelujah … his eyes finally found the cleric and stopped as if asking should I continue? He did! Let’s follow him –

“Hey, I reversed immediately and took another route home at least when I get home I can decide whether to return to the owner or keep. To cut the long story short I’d not covered 3 miles when I spotted a pretty lady sobbing silently under a tree and despite her pathetic state I’d never seen someone as beautiful as her. This is church and I won’t lie to you. Now since I was in the woods and no one was around something told me a woman broke your heart and here is her sister (a member of her gender) so avenge, assault her, source pleasure from her and leave pressures in her and then varnish into thin air. After all one insulted you and you assaulted another and that’s 50-50 believe me God doesn’t judge that! But I rebuked the thought and I looked right, left, up … and down again before coming down. I walked up to her stretched my hand and pulled her up and she began to cry the more. To cut the long story short I bent down to pick her bag and shoes and as I was getting up …. you see … you know … you must have seen egg-white before … yes her ‘egg-white’ but from her running nose dropped into my mouth and to cut the long story short … I intercepted it, blocked and caught the egg-white with my teeth and tongue but interpreted the script of a gentleman in order not to add insult to her injury. I held her hand and walked her to my car while I picked my handkerchief from my pocket and quickly, secretly wiped my mouth and tongue dry, too dry that it began to ache. To cut the long story short that woman that forced her egg-white into my mouth became my fiancée yesterday and very soon she’ll become my wife. She had prepared fried egg-white for me and it was sumptuous. She doesn’t eat egg-yolk and red meat. To cut the long story short give thanks to God on my behalf. I lost a woman, a good woman for a better woman. I know you want to know what became of the bag, leave the matter for Martha the cop I contacted but for now 100 hallelujahs are not enough for God but to save time please let’s voice 30!”

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olayemi

I won't bore you or box myself by defining who I'm, what I'm or where I'm headed. I AM OLAYEMI JOSEPH OGUNOJO, a Nigerian and World Citizen and a student of the 'University of Life.' If you impart knowledge into every Tayo, Tanko and Tagbo you meet, they will impact every Tom, Dick and Harry they confluence.

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