SMD (Social Media Drama: Ummy vs Ahmed)

Social Media is a movie theatre with diverse online actors interpreting roles from their various offline locations. (credit: premium times)

The head-office of verbal and non-verbal communication is sited in the mouths of women, little wonder they are born conversationalists.

I don’t know the number of words the printing press in a typical woman publishes per day but believe me they beat hands down that of an ideal man. Care to know why their voices are slim and tiny.

Yeah come along … you see they are wired for marathon race so they can publish more words for long … suffice to say marathon runners don’t have muscles like the Tyson Gays and Usain Bolts of this world but sure they have endurance so they run the whole hog for long. Voice without muscles endure for long.

Hey please Scratch the theory or dump in fantasy bin. Lol

Hajia Ummy Dankabo vs Mallam Ahmed Dankabo:

Hajia Dankabo in Kano is engaged in tug-of-war with her hubby Mallam Dankabo, over Sallah chicken and clothes for her family and of course herself. And tongues or not Mallam isn’t ready to spend a dime.

“Eid-el-Kabir is coming and I must buy three rams – one for my parents, one for yours and one for us, so I don’t have ANY money now!” voiced Ahmed as he stormed out.

Ahmed Dankabo was winning the war as it were but trust Ummy … she decided to woo and win social media to advance her cause. So she immediately changed her DP and status – she took off Ahmed’s picture and edited her status ‘My hubby for life’ to fabrics and updated her status – ‘Women and Fashion.’

Ummy hijacked her facebook too.

In the morning her DP was a pot of soup with chicken peeping and winking from the sea of stew and her status – ‘Sweet Sallah starts from the kitchen.’

In the afternoon she changed her DP to a Muslimah in abaya and her update reads – ‘The secret between women and fashion is understood ONLY by God and the man willing to learn’.

Mallam saw all the moves of hajia on social media but decided to ignore her but one caught his trousers at the waist – the way security agents nab suspects and this is it ….

Ummy knew her hubby could afford the bills without incurring debts not even death to his account in coma (the least of his accounts) and she was bent on winning ….

So in the evening she changed her DP on whatsapp to a sexy broiler chicken and updates her status: ‘Working brains deserve mouth walking on highways not roads’

Her hubby saw the update and thought to himself ‘Women, ah women … they are too skilled, too smart in fighting cold war,” yet when they see you they might smile showcasing their ‘white uniform’ and white represents peace, innocence and purity. Alas’

Ummy perceived her actions as ineffective but she allowed the chicken (DP) to continue to rest and relax while she changed her status to “Little faith Worries about tomorrow,’

{Now it’s awesomely good to plan in advance but ironically, interestingly, we shouldn’t forget to make good use of the moment and enjoy what we’ve while we have it. Oh it’s a life of one step at a time.}

Ahmed saw Ummy’s status 30 minutes later and pondered on the instructions and saw lots of truth in it, and besides he doesn’t want to appear like a sissy before Ummy as the latter was trying to paint.

And he finally succumbed and summoned Ummy to his room, “Hajia, yeah … see, look … I’ll release some money for you people for Eid-el-Fitri because of the blessings I received in the month and more to come but not because of your blackmail or threat or anything. I’m a man and you can’t intimidate or blackmail me in anyway whatsoever!”

Hajia smiled, thanked her hubby and voiced inside her mind with mimic, “I’m a man and you can’t intimidate or blackmail me … see ‘man-mallam’ you can’t fight and win a woman in her territory. I knew I’d win long before the fight started. Mr Man, ask your mum Hajia Saratu or sister, Hassana they will enlighten you, Mr. Man!”

 

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