SMD: Social Media Drama (Henry in Nigeria)

Social media uploads dramas from people across space. (image source: Premium times)

An Australian expatriate, Henry came to Nigeria on official duties and was here for 6 months before he finally returned to Sydney.  He was smart. He was sensitive. He was business-minded.

Nigeria is made up of two countries – Nigeria and Lagos and the Australian businessman came to Lagos and became a Nigerian in Naija.

He visited banks, ATM facilities, cinemas, beaches, restaurants, used commercial buses, even canoes. and he had to buy a life jacket and made sure his jacket was a true jacket ….

Yes he told the man who sold the item to him to test it in the hotel swimming pool … he did. The pool knew the man wasn’t a JJC and the man wasn’t a fool – ah Niger-Delta people. He could swim very well and he he flew into the water; and yes he knew should anything happen he would live.

Two smart men. The Australian was smart; the Nigerian was smart.

Many times Henry had a taste, feel of Naija without his Nigerian business partner, for he felt he’d be a distraction and his ‘I’m Nigerian mentality’ will impede his adventure and freedom, and many times he learnt many new things. He discovered by himself that Naija means ‘Oh God.’

When ATM complains of ‘No Signals’ he had heard Nigerians saying “Ah Naija!” when there was power outage he heard “Oh, Naija.’ In biting gridlock, Nigerians in traffic don’t hesitate voicing “Naija, this government is ….” When power supply was restored he had heard ‘Up NEPA’ from kids in a neighbourhood he had visited and he felt they wanted to say Up Naija – and this to Henry means ‘Thank God.’

When Nigerians just arrive from America, Europe … they pose and prove like prof. and it’s normal even Edo people who went to Lagos and spend 5 days, showoff – “Ah, Benin is dry, I wonder why they call it Benin City, ah no dulling in Lag; Lag is hustle, Os is bustle, money and party for us ….”

Henry did similarly when he finally returned to Australia. And he was showing off proving Naija uptown, downtown, online, offline but Nigerians know themselves na.

‘Jollof rice is Nigeria; amala with ewedu is Nigeria, starch and banga soup, Nigeria; suya is Nigeria. Now my people in Australia guess what Naija means and I’ll give you #200,000 you can change all to our currency or change all and keep one note to archive as souvenir.” Henry updated his social media status.

3 Nigerians in his social media circle quickly cleaned their surroundings – they deleted some pictures, upload others, changed titles, names, cities, DPs, ….

And finally one Australian sorry Nigerian typed, ‘Naija’ is a moniker for Nigeria.’

The second typed, ‘Naija’ represent hustle and bustle of Nigerians.’

And finally the third person updated with ‘Naija’ is Lagos; every other place is Nigeria.’

Henry said no. Naija means ‘Oh God.’ And he refused to release the #200,000 he had promised and the matter became bad, bitter and fingers engaged buttons, typing insults and missiles began to fly to and fro:

“You’re a liar, you don’t have any money; in fact you’ve never been to Nigeria.”

“I’m an Australian-Nigerian, I spent SIX, SIX months in Nigeria; I can school you on Nigeria.”

“Ah see you; I spent 68 months in Nigeria plus 36 months in Naija. You’re JJC Type 1!”

“80 months minus 6 months = 74 months. Can you see I’m a prof? Naija blood runs in my vein; my complexion is GWG!”

And so on

Oh in the end Nigerians proved they were true Nigerians and they nailed themselves big time.

They brought back the ‘Nigerian couch, rug, TV, ceiling fans …’ they had taken away form their social media initially to appear as an Australian and showed they were Naija proper. And were able to enlighten Henry in the end but that also disqualified them because Henry had other nationalities in mind not Nigerians.

SMD always on olayemiogunojo.com

If you’re travelling abroad or anywhere across the globe, read about the people, have solution to language barrier you might encounter, have an idea of their lifestyle, religion … ask questions, know safe and unsafe places, time … and don’t leave your guide out of the equation, for your overall safety. 

Many tribes and races but one humanity.

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