‘Your Relationship Table’
He was Kolade Molade Ajayi, a 45-year-old self-employed, happily married man with 3 kids. He became sexually active at the age of 21 and Bisola, 20 was his first love who incidentally doubled as his first in bed.
He dated Bunmi an Ire Polytechnic student for some months; went out with Chinyere a nurse who stayed down his street for 9 months. He picked Anita, a fashion-conscious beauty from Auchi, Edo State, who markets cosmetic products for a multinational brand that’s into beauty and fashion products. They had intimate time together for years.
He dated (no slept with) Torera, an itinerant orange seller who was an illiterate but very beautiful. She was fair-skinned, young, smart and self-conscious. She lived in Kajola, the host community of the university Kolade attended, meanwhile Kolade stayed off-campus so the stage was set and they met.
Kolade couldn’t resist her acapella beauty and couldn’t reconcile her beauty with her illiteracy-status. He’d schemed how he would lure and sleep with her the very day he met her. Although he knew at the outset that he won’t marry her.
Torera was innately intelligent and it got to a stage that Kolade felt intimidated by her fluid intelligence and actually dreamt of sending her to school to polish and raise her standard and eventually marry her but the huge financial implication was a ‘Rot,’ it barked and scared him so he bolted with his tail dangling between his legs.
Kolade often wondered how Torera managed to escape the scarification peculiar to her family because all her siblings had tribal marks – her family’s trademark and logo.
So one day he asked her and Torera told him that her great-grandmother’s last wish was that she should be spared of any scarification because of her unusual beauty. Her great-grandmother was an educated and rich cocoa merchant. But for her death, Torera would have been educated and actually schooled in one of the best institutions in the land.
Kolade dated Ibinabo, shortly after graduating from college. Ibinabo was a fresh graduate and worked in a top commercial bank in Lagos. Before Ibinabo he had earlier hooked Shalewa, his classmate in college. In fact they had won several awards as campus-couple but never married because he knew that his parents would not endorse a marriage with a non-Christian.
Shalewa on the other hand was hopeful though anxious because her family may oppose the union with Kolade based on religious differences. In the end they went their separate ways.
His relationship with Anita, Shalewa and Ibinabo lasted from 2 to 3 years. The 3 ladies had one or more of the features, attitudes, habits … he loved the most but none had all. Ibinabo was blessed with dimples, Shalewa had dulcet voice the type that could make Simi Ogunleye, Nigerian Afro-pop singer, go green with envy.
He knew he was going to marry only one of them though Shalewa topped his relationship table for a long time so was Ibinabo and finally Anita but Anita’s case was special because when she was the table topper none was below her but in the end he married none of them.
Anita Balogun was ebony-skinned from Ilesha, Osun State, Southwest Nigeria. Her biggest asset was her complexion. A party-freak and highly flirtatious. She was lousy and abusive though brilliant and calculative. Kolade never caught her in a compromising position with any man yet he wasn’t sure if marriage with her was a wise decision.
Ibinabo’s parents rejected Kolade for he was jobless and penniless at the time and her mum didn’t want her daughter to marry outside their tribe.
Fate finally brought Kolade and Torera together one more time and this time he was financially okay and capable to bankroll her education without going bankrupt. Torera had painstakingly learnt how to read and write and was through with adult education at the time of their second meeting and at this juncture she was seeking admission to college. Kolade was too glad to sponsor her education and finally they got married.
Torera wasn’t on the relationship table of Kolade let alone topping the table but in the end she won the league and went home with the ‘silverware.’
This is just an analogy to throw some light on the issue of an ideal man having multiple sexual partners before marriage. It doesn’t mean that men in general are unserious in dating-relationships or that a man can’t stick to just one partner.
All in all abstinence for singles and faithfulness for the married remains the best options for preventing STIs and insuring your home and marriage. The other option is the correct and consistent use of condoms.