That Awkward Moment (TAM)
Shola’s tummy was in Hungary but he was right here in Nigeria. How? He was hungry and the gulf between him and his tummy made him angry.
The kitchen Shola labels hell in homes. Onions always tear and eject blood (sorry tears) from his eyes, knife ah, that one was an award-winning butcher, lids of newly-cut cans of tomato paste, sardine … ah butchers with no mercy … hot vegetable oil fighting with fish, chicken … always release missiles that could cook human flesh, little wonder Shola detests cooking and dislike kitchen with passion.
He finally decided to access social media to fight-off the hunger pangs so he picked up his phone.
Yippee, his fiancee, Shade came calling … and just a glance at him Shade knew he was a hungry lion so she prepared sumptuous meal for him and left to go rest and as Shola was about to log out he saw a very hot babe on facebook and lo and behold the hunger for love (sorry lust) overthrew that of food.
And the leopard in him decided to catch the babe meanwhile Shade didn’t hear any music from Shola’s cutlery and curiosity got the better of her so she got up and walked up to him and he never knew.
The hunter in him was so desperate for omo pupa (fair lady) that he voiced out, “This babe is hot, in fact hotter than my bae and hey I must get her no matter what.” Shade heard him but said nothing.
Now he took a step further to assess the lady and in the end he discovered ‘she’ was a guy trying to catch a maga to dupe! And Shola soliloquized again, “Oh, what a mumu I’ve been, so this babe na guy, pure Adam, but thank God my bae didn’t catch me this time.”
His hunger pangs resumed work in earnest and this time it was explosion and his mouth became a well of water for he was salivating and as he attempted to devour the meal his bae had prepared for him, Shade snatched from him and said,
“Go and eat that she-he, woman-man you were talking about. I was starving but the love I’d for you made me sacrificed my time to cook the only pasta left in the house for you. Ingrate. You know what? Your last straw!” Shade seethed.
Shola’s heart scaled the fence into his mouth and sweat screamed ‘present sir,’ Water garnished with salt oozed out of his brow and his good looks retired. His temperature climbed to the top of Mount Everest and an invisible fingers grabbed his throat … tears rushed out from his eyes and he opened his mouth to eject some words but air came out en masse …
TAM always on this channel.
Image: Michael Collins Ajereh (aka Don Jazzy); profession: music producer; pic source: social media
Now Harvest and archive a blissful weekend.