‘Generals in Theft.’
Note: there are diverse versions of each level.
1-star General: the Gen. saw money dropping from someone’s pocket and as it hit the floor it bounced back into his own pocket – big thanks to his hand which scooped the money and relay for his pocket to swallow.
2-Star General: the Gen. was in a commercial bus and his neighbour (in front of him in the bus) had put his hand in his pocket to give the conductor his money which was #200 but #500 note wanted to follow his friend (#200) but later changed his mind and later peeped out of the window of his boss’ pocket.
And the Gen. behind saw him and about 40 seconds later he grabbed the arm of the money coolly, silently and pulled out calmly even the money never knew he had been kidnapped until he found himself in a new apartment yes pocket filled with cigarette and redolent with cigarette smell.
3-Star General: his own workshop was bus stop at night and he majored in dipping his left hand into pockets to steal whatever his fingers grabbed. As commuters scramble to try to parcel their bodies into buses his fingers were in pockets rummaging and mining resources.
Did I hear you say pick-pocket? Yes but hey ‘ace’ defines him after all he’s got many years of experience. At the outset of his career blade had given him injections when he dived into the pocket of an unsuspecting school kid; at another time it was scorpion but till date he never knew how scorpion got into his victim’s pocket but he later concluded that the man had spiritual powers and the voodoo was meant to stop and torture pick-pockets. But the source could be traceable to many physical factors and if none was the case then spiritual could be considered.
4-Star General: He operates in church and believes that if he ends up being caught congregants won’t kill him; in fact he believes they will pity him once he tells them it was hunger laced with anger that pushed him into stealing and will surely pity and probably give him more money and maybe food, accommodation and job – his beliefs which could be his own undoing.
Now once congregants close their eyes in prayers his eyes go wide, his fingers wild, opening purses, bags, wallets even Bible to see if money was delicately tucked inside. He does that only in mid-week services because the security outfits (staffed mostly by church members) of churches will be on vacation to resume work on Sundays.
He later ‘graduated’ with First Class and put in for his master’s degree, expanding, advancing his trade to mosques on Fridays. He steals shoes, palm sandals lying idly outside various mosques and disappears into thin air. At events he fills his tummy first with 3 maybe 5 or 7-star meals, depending on the class of the owambe and then steals phones, wristwatches, necklaces ….
He often says, “Events are meant for those who are not hungry and so I need to rejoice with the celebrants by eating their food so that my tummy will not disturb my small mummy at home and also bless their marriage, new home, maybe new age ….” And afterwards release my blessings after all they say every disappointment is a blessing. Lose your belongings to me and get more from God!
5-Star General: this one is just a step away from becoming an armed-robber.
Habits (many times) instead of dying, advance and it’s not uncommon to see a 1-star thief passing through all the ranks before he finally becomes an armed-robber and may not pass through all the ranks to begin to carry weapons to rob.
In fact, someone can become an armed-robber overnight if such feels there’s no way out of his financial mess except he steals what belongs to others and subsequently joins a gang ….
(image credit: medium.com)