VAW (Voices At Weddings) Bisola Weds Rasheed (#Bisras 2005) (VI)

The Anus (pronounced Harnuus). The bride Adaeze is the daughter of Nigerian entertainer and activist Charles Oputa (aka Charly Boy)

The Wedding Party:

Saturday Night at Bisola’s Parents’ Home.

Party was going on downstairs but these two friends: Bisola’s cousin (Aminat) with her childhood friend (Zainab) were too tired to join …. They were lying on Bisola’s bed with suya and malt drinks keeping them company.

Aminat: (perusing the picture of the newest couple) when bride and groom are good-looking, of the same height and age you behold #Bisras2005.

Zainab: when bride is a PhD holder and groom Bsc you see #Bisras2005

Aminat: (laughing) Rasheed must have guts, gusto and effrontery to date his lecturer … who was miles ahead of him in academic attainment.

Zainab: Yes o and very confident too! I like guys like that and how I wish I saw the clothes he sewed for Bibi.

Aminat: Antiques, girl and if someday they became world-famous celebs the clothes could sell for $10,000,000.

Zainab: One day at a time; one step at a time. I learnt Rasheed left Rasheedat because of lack of chemistry between their blood.

Aminat: Nope. But lack of humility. He left her because she was too egotistical. Rasheed saw a competitor instead of companion in her. Truth be told she was a nice, beautiful girl. She almost became a rape victim because of her humanity.

Zainab: Seriously

Aminat: Armed-robbers had broken into their home on the eve of her sister’s wedding and wanted to rape her sister who was far prettier than her but she begged them to release her sister and have her instead because her wedding was less than 10 hours away … the leader of the armed-men was touched and instead of robbing, raping and maiming them they left without taking even a glass of water …. I also heard she had never dated any man her entire life and perhaps her pristine state got to her head. Meanwhile Bibi who had travelled the world of books, had been to the US, UK and France yet very humble inadvertently made Rasheedat’s weakness extremely big! More like juxtaposing a man whose height is 5”4 with one who towers to 6”6. You know the difference will be too glaring.

Zainab: Hmmm and Bibi became too formidable for her, right?

Aminat: Yes, girlfriend.

Zainab: I’m 27 and hope to marry before I turned 29 but I pray God not to bring strong opponent and rival my way o!

Aminat: Amen o and me too o! But you’ve not started dating Banji how come you want to marry at 29.

Zainab: I need to prove tough but all na shakara. I’m a woman na!

Aminat: Then continue to prove stubborn for another 15 years then you’ll know that you’re not doing men favour and love is win-win. In fact women will make life miserable for you much more than men!

Zainab: How?

Aminat: You should know so forget! However, many times our mums taught us how to cook … and become awesome wives but they didn’t tell us anything about dating and without this successful step we can’t become wives.

Zainab: That’s true, very true. In fact sex education is a taboo to many. I remember many years back how our neighbours’ housemaid nearly committed suicide at the onset of her period. She went wild thinking, feeling her internal organs were damaged so blood overthrew urine. It was another neighbour, a nurse who came to her rescue.

Aminat: Interesting.                                                                                       

Zainab: It’s almost 12:00am so where’s your cousin Bibi and what’s she likely to be doing right now?

Aminat: (laughing) Don’t you have her mobile no. Please call her and ask her the JAMB question and remember to ask singer Simi too on her wedding night.

Zainab: (hissing) Bad girl! You want me to start trending on social media and enjoy hours or days of fame and then go back into oblivion.

Aminat: Once a celeb. Always one!

Zainab: Online uproar doesn’t make you a celeb. Such fame doesn’t last. Fame, lasting fame is like the steps of an infant – crawling, toddling, walking and then running not one minute!

Aminat: Sage in the house!

Zainab: wedding is lively; marriage lovely and can’t wait to become a Mrs.

Aminat: How many men have you blessed other women with

Zainab: How

Aminat: You must gift other women many men and one of them will finally give you your own!

Zainab: What you said is highly logical and philosophical

Aminat: You’ll prove hard-to-get to some men to release them to their women and overtime a particular woman or some women will prove hard-to-get to a man so you can have yours too! It’s a law in love.

Zainab: An undocumented law of love in life. Women thank you for playing hard-to-get o. Please continue and release my husband to me and I’ll release yours too.

Aminat: So release Banji to his wife by continue to play games with his heart

Zainab: No. No way. I love my Banji o!

Aminat: (smirking) I thought you were still proving stubborn to him please continue and release him to his future wife so you can get yours too!

Zainab: God forbid!

Aminat: So you don’t believe in that law

Zainab: I do but you just made me conscious of something I was ignorant of. Thank God I came to Bibi’s wedding. May God bless her, her marriage and home and thank you very much girlfriend.

Aminat: You feel because you’re conscious of this now you’ll guide against it? Believe me you might not! Except you’re destined together. In fact being conscious of this could expressly push men away to their women. Nature must balance every equation in life.

Zainab: Wao! So Rasheed was made for Bibi

Aminat: Yes and not for Rasheedat.

Nigeria musician and activist Charly Boy with his daughter Adaeze at her wedding. Right: The Metu Anus. (image credits: Charly Boy/Instagram)

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