VAW (Voices At Weddings) Bisola Weds Rasheed (#Bisras 2005) (V)

Smiles, music, camaraderie … all add to weddings.

Voices at the Reception:

Dr. (Mrs) Chisom Okafor, 58-year-old colleague of Bisola with her neighbour, Cindy Okotie, a cleric’s wife and cleric.

Okafor: Madam tietie believe me Bisola is pregnant.

Okotie: I don’t know maybe you studied pregnancy-detection in college for you’re so good and hardly miss target … but I’m a woman too and not as good as you … you’ve got scanning eyes or are they spiritual-scanning eyes?

Okafor: (tittering) spiritual bawo. You spiritualize everything in Africa and people like that go through life pointing accusing fingers instead of sourcing inspiration and motivation.

Okotie: But yours is too accurate to be ‘just physical’.

Okafor: Machines (physical) and spiritual which is more accurate? Now tell me the biggest sign maybe symptom in your case that a preggie present?

Okotie: swollen body, aside nausea, spitting, spewing up!

Okafor: Yeah. Good. In fact excellent. See ignoramus! Now if you miss something from the beginning every other thing placed on such would be faulty!

Okotie: (smirking) you better open shop and start doing pregnancy scan for women and label Dr. Okafor Diagnostic Centre (sure-fire) the ‘Dr’ will even deceive many. … only that you’ll finish your scanning in prison. You’re versed in scanning but all I’ve got is smattering … but you can’t always be right and so with all I’ve heard about this lady called Bibi I can tell you categorically that she’s NOT pregnant and your machine failed this time.

Okafor: Bet it with me with #30,000 and in 9 months time I’ll use part of your money to buy gifts for Bibi’s baby.

Okotie: Amen. In Jesus name. But it can’t be 9 months time if she’s truly pregnant. Maybe 8 or 7 or less.

Okafor: the baby was implanted last night!

Okotie: Jesus of Nazareth. Voodoo. Juju. Abracadabra.

Okafor: Yeah now I’m feeling you for you’re being realistic, scientific … because there’s no way I’d have known if the baby was just few hours old even his mum can’t know until 4 to many weeks after.

Okotie: Hmmm you scored good points there!

Okafor: From the theme of the song I heard my students listening to Science Student. If I say hip-hop Olamide Badoo wasn’t a science student in high school you’ll say voodoo again!

Okotie: Who’s Olamide Dooba? Is it the Science Student they say was banned by NBC?

Okafor: I know you’ll know that one Mrs Duba. Dooba ko Drogba ni! The world has left you behind. And you’re a youth minister in church yet you don’t know a bit about the beats they hear every now and then.

Okotie: ‘Youth Minister’ am I serving under Presido Buhari. Anyway let the world leave me behind God sha didn’t leave me behind!

Okafor: a pastor’s wife is a pastor. What a witty response but congregants are people from all walks of life – learned, semi-literates, illiterates, the rich, the poor, children, adults  … and if you can’t speak their languages then you can’t relate properly with them.

Okotie: Hmm, true and false. If I don’t understand their language they should understand mine.

Okafor: ‘Item 7’ is gathering momentum and I know that once you murder and mother them ‘item 8’ won’t meet you here. Reserve my #30,000 bet money in your account o.

Okotie: See wahala. I don’t bet o. I’m not Bethy! Don’t blackmail me o please!


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.