Love has inbuilt jealousy but if not tamed it has the potential to ruin intimacy. (credit: Stock image)
Ronald (Ron) is a lawyer he owns Ron & Justice Chambers; Eugenia is his wife and Regina (Reg) his PA.
Eugenia had picked Ron’s phone one evening, went through his inbox and outbox briefly and lodged at his whatsapp and saw the short correspondence between Ron and Reg.
Ron: Happy birthday girl. It’s hard to meet a beauty blessed with brains and brawn and rolled into one at once. It’s touch not my beauty but your brains and brawn belong to me – lol. Your brains execute perfect jobs and your brawn bails me out from deadlines many times I never knew I could meet let alone beat. You’re a darling, once again happy birthday!
Reg: Oh, thanks boss. I’m flattered but I only knew about the beauty I’d forgotten I’d brains and brawn too. Thanks for making me conscious of them.
Eugenia saw a flirt in her hubby, felt cheated and perceived her relationship as being threatened and that’s automatic invite to jealousy.
Now because no two people are exactly the same Eugenia might begin to compare and contrast but since she’s grappling with jealousy then in her context she’ll start downplaying her own strengths. Let’s check out her thoughts:
‘My hubby is secretly admiring his PA, is it because she’s taller? Does he prefer blondes to brunette? Perhaps her atrocious curves are more inviting and tempting? Could it be that she’s more intelligent? ….”
The cognition is password to insecurity and so her jealousy rises from maybe 30 or 40 to 60% … insecurity is catalyst and password to jealousy and vice versa. They are best of friends as well as allies – they are team and as one rises the other flies too.
Jealousy is expressed in form of territoriality, in other words the urge to protect what’s yours but it could go wild if not remotely tamed.
Eugenia had seen real or perceived rival – but perceived in this circumstance, and wants to protect and preserve what’s hers, but inappropriately which may boomerang big time.
The next day she visits her hubby in the office, greets Reg coldly, enters Ron’s office without closing the door behind her then sits on his laps and begins to French-kiss him. She didn’t close the door so Reg could see her and get envious.
Reg saw the PDA and felt Eugenia was insensitive and quite intimidating and she felt envious! Now where jealousy is phobia of losing what’s yours, envy is anxiety, disappointment, anger over what should be yours – even if you’re not entitled to such.
Because it’s envy for Reg, the cognition here is:
‘I’m a blonde and blondes are James Bond of love; she’s about 5’6” I’m 5’8” for crying out loud. I’m taller, fuller, after all my upstairs are loaded, downstairs crowded. See the way she’s kissing him as if she’d been fasting for three days and her doctor had told her to break with kisses. Are lips are even too big for him. Alas she’s not better than I so why is she more blessed with a better, richer partner?’
If Reg feels she was treated unfairly, unjustly coupled with envy then she might not care about the sacrifices Eugenia had made and what she’s been through to have him and all she desires could be to get and bed him.
Therefore if she fails to contain her emotions and discipline herself, then her envy could lead her into dating her boss especially if Ron couldn’t overcome her seductions and temptations!
Having followed the prognosis, did you see how the jealousy of Eugenia triggered envy in Regina?
Though many times people use the two terms interchangeably but technically and in this context I’m convinced you can spot the difference?
Expect the male version of this in due course.
We are olayemiogunojo.com // We are made in Nigeria