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‘The Kolapos of Africa’

It’s safe, safer to experience love and sex in a secure relationship. (credit: Ron Batzdorff/NBC)

He’s Kolapo Adio, a 27-year-old man who donated a part of him … to his girlfriend, Bunmi and that part became a  a baby but he claimed he wasn’t responsible for the pregnancy.

“I’m smart enough to know that a woman can’t get pregnant in one sexual encounter so ‘Nancy’ go and find the owner of your pregnancy. Ma bun mi l’omo Bode I’m not Debo!” he shouted at Bunmi who had started crying. Italics – don’t impose another man’s child on me.

As a 12-year-old boy, Kolapo had heard his dad telling his mum that she ought to have been pregnant after all they had met several times in the past few months and his mother had replied, “Is it once a woman gets pregnant?”

And the seed never dies instead it sprout and attracted other similar theories, after all many times we see what we want to see and we see from the seed in us.

He’s heard many stories of couples who had waited for 10, 15, 20 years after marriage before conceiving so he believed a man must connect with a woman several times for babies to collect in the womb.

Kolapo’s friend Adeyi tried fruitlessly to enlighten him to no avail. “Kolapo did you remember the movie we watched together in Osogbo where one woman Torera got pregnant after two men raped her on her way to her farm?”

Hmmm and that was it!

Kolapo felt sober, somber to patiently digest the information and his friend Adeyi felt he had hit him below the belt and won the argument and so his lips shook to cook some calm smiles which broke out into more smiles.

But alas Kolapo suddenly roared back to life with curvy cough. He shook his head like a female chicken shakes her body, after her husband, Mr. Cock alights from her back after making love to her in public. 

All female species and swag anyway God understands.

And Kolapo voiced, “Adeyi that happens once in 1 million cases and it’s because two good tools from two bad fools are better than one. Hmmm, no it was a movie, and actors lie.”

Adeyi racked his head once again, raised his voice and trumpetted ‘hallelujah’ and finally opens up, “Thank God for this one – did you remember Ibiyemi’s case when we were in secondary school? Our master slept with her once and she got pregnant.”

This time Kolapo didn’t pause to ponder at all, he just engaged his printing press and published, “That girl wanted to implicate our teacher. She got pregnant for someone else after many moonlit nights on deserted footpath and since our teacher was richer she planted the baby on his head. But the poor teacher was sacked and punished in the end, lobatan!”

Kolapo went further, “Now that you’ve exhausted all your theories let me advance mine. So why did baba Ibeji marry another wife? Don’t answer me o. He did because his first wife didn’t give him any child after some years of marriage and after 6 months his second wife did. Now 6 months means how many bed-meetings? Let’s break it down to the smallest. Let’s assume they met 2 times a week, that’s 8 times in a month and 48 times in 6 months so is that once? Ore mi, be smart; be smart ore mi’ Kolapo pontificated and ended with ‘my friend’ – the words in italics.

“I blame myself arguing with you. Visit the nearest clinic and go and ask any nurse or doctor you meet. Anyway I’m not saying the baby is yours but that a woman can get pregnant once!” Adeyi answered Kolapo.

And something dramatically dropped in Adeyi’s mind and he picked his Nokia 3310 and pressed 080 … her sister, a nurse based in Ibadan picked and she confirmed Adeyi’s argument.

But Kolapo came from another angle,

“See oyinbo (Caucasians) don’t want our population to outgrow theirs so we don’t begin to control them and that’s why they made condoms and in order to sell their products and make money they tell us one sex can lead to baby or disease so we should buy and wear their wares.”

Kolapo regarded Adeyi with squinted eyes, no thanks to rays from the sun entering his eyes. He felt his words were sinking and so he continued with shoulder in the air.

“Adeyi, see a smart and an honourable man like me can’t be deceived, remember Kolapo means ‘gather wealth, and wealth and honour are twins as well as gifts. Now, that girl called Bunmi is a good girl, a very good girl but I felt, feel she could have been misled, influenced when she travelled to Lagos for 2 days!”

In rounding off, education is one thing; enlightenment is another but enlightenment is a resource stocked in education but out of ignorance, sentiments or limited education many choose not to mine.

And societies with many Kolapos struggle to advance. They see immunization as tools for extermination; contraceptives as sterilization ….  


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I won't bore you or box myself by defining who I'm, what I'm or where I'm headed. I AM OLAYEMI JOSEPH OGUNOJO, a Nigerian and World Citizen and a student of the 'University of Life.' If you impart knowledge into every Tayo, Tanko and Tagbo you meet, they will impact every Tom, Dick and Harry they confluence.
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