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Bedtime Café (‘Brand New Bride’)

Wedding nights are first nights together as legitimate couples. (credit: social media)

It was Saturday, the wedding night of Gladys and Martins … Gladys was delaying the show and Martins was obviously on fire. He had waited for three years to experience the full moon before honeymoon.

‘Hard-to-get’ was in the past but this time Gladys was playing hard-to-bed even after ‘I do’. Oh!

Martins: Babe where are you now? My fire is turning to conflagration and burning me!

Gladys: I’m coming now I’m trying to wash off my makeup.

Martins: So it’s no longer brush and toothpaste but make up. I’ve waited for too long for this night, remember. I was a hot guy, one in town but you succeeded in driving away all my intimate friends just because I loved you and wanted to change for love, yet you refused to fill the vacuum. I’m on fire now and my system, fireworks. You’d delayed me for too long but you can’t deny me anymore.

Gladys: I said I’m coming now.

Martins: You’re not ‘default’ yet I must pay brand new price; what if you were factory settings what would have happened?

Gladys: I’m factory-setting, touched but untapped, so fresh!

Martins: But you’d experimented with someone long before we met, didn’t you?

Gladys: Yes but with contraceptives and that makes me brand new because my ex never touched me with his direct tool after all there was a barrier, and besides my lips still has leather because I never allowed any man kissed me.

Martins: (laughing hysterically) Thank you. So because you were afraid you could contract STIs through kissing and therefore refrigerated your lips then I must shout 12 hallelujahs!

Gladys: Yes. Taste it, kiss me you’ll see that it’s brand new.

Women and pretense! Will Martins taste, kiss her and go to sleep? Brains and women and pretense!

Lovely night’s rest to you all!


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I won't bore you or box myself by defining who I'm, what I'm or where I'm headed. I AM OLAYEMI JOSEPH OGUNOJO, a Nigerian and World Citizen and a student of the 'University of Life.' If you impart knowledge into every Tayo, Tanko and Tagbo you meet, they will impact every Tom, Dick and Harry they confluence.
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