Misunderstandings should lead intimates to better understanding of each other. (credit: bigstockphotos)
Virtual and Victor are celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary so Victor informed his wife, Virtual to request for anything from him and he would expressly grant her.
“That’s my widow’s mite in order to extend my gratitude to you for being a loyal, faithful, selfless and considerate wife and mum.
Virtual replied, “Baby I want nothing from you but for you to continue to be an amiable hubby and adorable daddy!”
Victor insisted she requested for something and so she said, “Victor, your name means a conqueror so conquer your weakness for me, for our marriage, for our kids!” Victor was surprised and asked, “And what could that be?”
“Talking. You talk too much! And when you talk a lot you expose too much and gossips know a lot and add too much and say a lot about you and I and our kids! Gossips on a good day are unpaid comedians and it’s in their habits to add fun and humour to trigger laughter so they edit some things, adjust some; add some just to suit their taste and turn us to super story, soap opera.”
Victor coughed loudly, hungrily and punctuated the words coming out of Virtual’s mouth but she continued seconds later.
“I knew from the outset that you were a chatterbox but I never knew you could be too care free and careless to be telling your friends what goes on between us behind closed doors. My friend, Busola told me that her husband told her that someone told him at the beer palour that I have three breasts …. ”
“Impossible, can you see what I’m seeing! They are toads ‘told; told’ who said that, how come, that’s too horrible, terrible in fact terrific, tantamount to …..”
“What I’m saying and trying to correct is the same thing you’re exhibiting here right now!” Virtual accused.
“Ok, sorry dear,” Victor apologized!
“Just listen and hear me out. Now how did they know I’ve got three breasts if you didn’t tell them? And again how come a big scar between my two breasts from the knife attack I survived became a breast, a third breast?”
“That rumour must have come from Rumola, sorry Ademola aka Rumola! He’s a jobless editor; he edits at will, adds whatever he feels will make his friends laugh at the palm-wine joint, little wonder one of his friends themed him Rumola!”
“Baby, I said you should let me finish!” said Virtual
“Sorry dear!” piped Victor.
“I also heard that you said that I was suffering from frigidity and you became an expert in bed while trying to help me out of my malaise and you finally did. Now tell me I’m lying and I’ll tell you that was the source of your nickname Sexrapist from sex therapist!”
“Oh my God that must be Emeka the trumpeter. You didn’t, don’t have any malady! He talks too much, trumpets information, hear-say everywhere, every time, everyday. I only said you had a malady which is peculiar to all women when they are not fully prepared for sex ….”
“Hold your breath a minute and let me land ….” posited Virtual.
Alas, it’s obvious Victor is suffering from Mouth Disease which leaks words seamlessly, ceaselessly. He had conquered something and that’s silence. He can’t stay mute!
Have a tender night’s rest – from all of us @ olayemiogunojo.com