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Igbe vs. Igbe: Drama at an Ikoyi Restaurant.

Can you eat your breakfast, lunch and dinner in one fell swoop? If you behold it’s drama of the year.

The man was a member of the elite class – he had one leg and two arms in the upper-class and a leg in the middle class or lower-class if you believe the middle-class doesn’t exist. Pause, process that theory very well and make your deductions. I know many will get my point and many won’t!

He had gap-tooth, he was average height; his skin was fresh and smooth; ‘chocolate-brown’ will be filed under his complexion. My initial points x-ray the fact that he had seen the good sides of life. Note: some had but it never reflected in their skins.

God and diligence paste fortune in his life, so his caste was high; his taste exotic, he was in haste but manage to control his waist to contain waste and so he stylishly converted the ‘sprint’ in his mind to catwalk (men’s version).

So hunger can set a man’s groin, sorry tummy on fire!

He sauntered into the restaurant at around 1:45pm, looking calm and relaxed – façade. Five boisterous female corps members were also in the restaurant chatting and laughing excitedly … the excitement in the air was thicker than the chest of Sinclair a weight-lifter of class.

The five ladies regarded the man briefly, but the ‘briefly’ was enough to write a whole book on him. They smelt wealth, and even if he wasn’t wealthy he was definitely rich and four out of the five ladies winked at him with their hearts but their eyes hid the drama beneath.

He lounged at first for he felt one of the attendants will attend to him but no the rule here was different and besides he was very hungry so he got up … and spelt out his needs.

“I don’t like cholesterol … so please give me amala with abula, fresh fish, snail, ponmo, and eran igbe,” rolled out hungrily out of the man’s mouth, the way amala rolled down our throats.

The ladies who incidentally were Yorubas heard the man’s statement and they became ugly. Eyesore. Noisome. Atrocity. Eran Igbe in a restaurant? Too bad! Biggest crime ever!

But lo and behold the attendant smiled and voiced, “No sir. No eran-igbe sir!”

“What’s eran-igbe?” one of the ladies who wanted to stylishly shoot her shot inquired from the man.

“I think it’s meat, no fish caught in osa (sea) after all they say osa is full of human waste,” one of them added.

“No, meat taken from the droppings of elephant. You know the waste of the animal could be as big as a storey building and some animals get trapped in it! At least that’s what my grandma told me!’ Another pontificated.

The man looked at them with ‘proud and conceited’ disdain in his eyes and he hissed in disgust and later repented and voiced, “I think your granny too lived in Ikoyi all her life! Anyway maybe it was satire she dished you and you swallowed. Now let me tell you the truth, some animals live in septic tanks (soak-away) and there are hunters who go in there to catch them and sell at very exorbitant prices. Some go as far as #500,000:00.”

“Thank you sir,” one of them finally voiced! That was it. All the attendants including customers burst into laughter.

Perhaps the lady was saying enough of the insult sir; maybe she felt the man had enlightened them … I know not but when you see her you may ask her sha.

By the way ‘igbe’ is human (solid) waste and incidentally ‘igbe’ also means bush and that softens the effect of igbe same way sex (gender) calms the effect of sex (intercourse) nonetheless the word (igbe) has euphemisms – ‘igbonse or iga’.

Finally ‘eran-igbe’ means bush meat.

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Photo credit: traveljumia.com

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I won't bore you or box myself by defining who I'm, what I'm or where I'm headed. I AM OLAYEMI JOSEPH OGUNOJO, a Nigerian and World Citizen and a student of the 'University of Life.' If you impart knowledge into every Tayo, Tanko and Tagbo you meet, they will impact every Tom, Dick and Harry they confluence.
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